Adopted children

Usually when you open a plastic easter egg you kind of know that there is something sweet inside, whether candy, (especially chocolate) or a surprise. However, you still have some excitement or anticipation of the unknown surprise inside.  Also when the egg inside of a woman  and is preparing for a delivery of some type' also some type of excitement and anticipation is involved.  But, what if the egg inside is not as sweet? Well....

My first pregnancy had to be aborted because it was not a living creature and/or person, the second pregnancy almost went full term, but the sweet baby was born with multiple birth defects and a rare anomalie and died at 2 months after birth. I also was fired from my job at the clinic I was working at due to morning sickness and hemorrhaging during the first 13 weeks.

Second pregnancy came with severe sickness and at the age and time in our society, the limited knowledge-the doctor's didn't understand that the morning sickness I had was not just that. I was allergic to the HCG hormone which made me deathly ill. I had to have hyperalimentation (?sp) so that the baby would get adequate nutrition. I was teaching Kindergarten but had to be hospitalized several times due to this sickness. Again another early delivery of a baby, premature and of course had problems. The baby survived and now he is a wonderful man. He actually almost died at birth, then when he was 4 we were in a bad car accident, and then to top it all off, he had a stroke during his freshmen year in college, fell and broke is back and was in another car accident. He is truly one of those walking miracles.

Third pregnancy, that was unplanned came.(Apparently I was real fertile.)  I had two weeks before finishing nursing school, he came 2 months premature. I went to school that morning, had him that night, had to go back to school in less than two days or fail. With the baby's prematurity came multiple problems...AGAIN. I actually delivered him myself in the hall at the hospital because no one believed he was coming so soon. His lungs collasped, he had RDS as the other two, jaundice an then when in the ICNU at Pitt Memorial he contacted Spinal Menigitis. Well by time it came for my graduation, he had been transferred to a hospital in Raleigh and awaited for us to move in our new house. We were in the middle of moving when he came early. This child also is another so called miracle. The light of my life. He has two holes in his heart and can't get them fixed because he doesn't have insurance. He also was in the car accident that almost took all our lives, but he luckily at age 2, just got a bump on the head. I, on the other hand was in critical condition, not alert or awake and my other son was in Intensive Care. The father was in a gurney beside us somewhere. I was in and out of conciousness. He is now 26 years old.

Well after all with having the first child - a daughter that died, then the two boys. Something was still missing, or was it. Well I decided that we would ADOPT.

That is where the egg comes in, in this egg you didn't know what you were going to get. Bittersweet was this gift. She did come potty trained though. She gave me hell but I thought if I continued to provide a good home, stability, love, and the "So called Perfect" family life she would be ok. Well NOT!!!.

The adoption went through after much debating with social workers, pastors, her biological parents, (that I knew) and her biological brother. She was a cutie, couldn't talk much, but was a mess. The older she got, the meaner she got. Can you imagine her puberty years? Well I hoped she would go to college and work like the boys, but she has decided to be "DIFFERENT." I didn't mind different or weird but down right mean was hard to swallow. She has decided to consider herself a lesbian/gay. I have no problem with that at all, at first I was uncomfortable because of whom she wanted to be with. I think talking to other parents of gay children and gay or lesbian people helped.  But she kept changing, from one guy to one girl to a different girl or another different guy. Then she finally decided on a partner, that was cool. Now she wanted a baby so she picked out a father, had sex with him, had the baby. This was actually one of the few times we got along. She doesn't work or go to school, but she is a good mom.  It was always a on again off again type thing with her. I tried so hard to be a good mother and role model. Guess I screwed that up huh? Well during her life with us as a family, she was always accusing people of doing things, bad things.   It was hard to know when she was telling the truth. I took her to counseling, therapists, etc., she was even admitted one time to a facility. (Hell most of us probably have and just don't admit it or we should of been admitted,right?) Her accusations and "so-called" disabilities caused a hard ship on our family, eventually dissolved my 31 years of marriage. However, even during "my" counseling, I know that we all are to blame in something.

When it comes to the egg and you open it, it doesn't necessarily fit back together to well. That is the way I feel sometimes with this precious child I adopted. Bittersweet. I will always love her dearly and especially the grandchild she gave me. I do not get to see this baby or the other one that is on the way. I am the BIG BAD MEAN MOM. I think it is important for us to stand for what we feel is right, we need to understand it is okay to disagree. We don't have to like what people do but it is important just to love unconditionally and accept them as they are, no matter how much they hate us/you or how bad they treat us/you.

If you are thinking of adoption, it does take alot of patience. I have had biological children, lost a child and then adopted one hoping to give another unfortunate baby a home. She got the home, and I am out a husband, daughter and grandaughter. People don't realize what all is involved in a separation/divorce after such a long time.   I will continue to look on the bright side.... I have some peace and happiness and will try to make a difference in the lives of others for the good. I will try to remain true in many ways and hope you do too. I will keep trying to be a positive influence in all the other kids I have taken in.  I love these kids, THEY ARE OUR FUTURE.  Try to make a difference in their lives.